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Monday, March 23, 2015

BROkEN

Cade and I head down so many winding country roads, that even as a life-long resident of the area, I’m lost. Still, I enjoy the sunshine and wind blowing through the windows. I place my face closer to the window and take in all the smells of freshly harvested fields, cut grass and sunshine. I swear sunshine has a smell, too. The sun is warming my face and I can feel sweat gathering in the middle of my back. I start to feel self-conscious just in time for Cade to stop the truck. I open my eyes slowly and take in the large shade tree we are parked beside.
We are in the middle of a field. Only us and the shade tree. Cade is staring at me.
“Do you like it?”
“Like what? It’s a shade tree in an empty field,” I smirk.
“Exactly. Do you like it?”
I nod and smile. Cade bounces out of the truck and gathers some things from the back before coming around to open my door. He takes my hand as I hop down.
“Nice dismount,” he says, jokingly. “This way,” he takes my hand and leads me to the far side of the tree. […]
I grin like a goofy school girl as I watch Cade set about spreading a quilt and sliding off his boots. He stuffs his socks inside to keep them safe, then motions for me to join him. I start to, and then I’m met with the memory of my dead husband's face and I freeze. He would want me me to move on. I want to move on. 
I need to stand on my own. 
I’m not sure what Cade and I are exactly.  “What are we doing?” I ask.
“What do you mean? I already told you, it’s a picnic. A pic-a-nic, Yogi.”
I can tell he’s trying to make light of the concern on my face, “No. What are WE doing? Are we friends? More than friends? I keep trying to think through what we are, and I can’t put a name on it.”
He looks serious, “What do you want us to be, Rhae?”
“Me? I don’t know. I know you can’t want to be anything more than friends with me. But then you do something like staying with me at night, at least until I fall asleep, and then sometimes you do things like plan a surprise pic-a-nic. I don’t know what we are doing.”
“I don’t want to pressure you. I just want to spend more time with you and figure out what we’re doing, too. I can’t get through the day without thinking about you. Sometimes I manage to text you, but all I really want to do is be at your door the minute you get home from work. And what do you mean, you know I can’t want anything more than to be your friend?”
I swallow. Oh, he heard that part of my ramble. “I mean, why would you want to be with me. I’m an overweight widow. You may not have noticed, I’m pretty broken. Why would you want to get involved with me?”
“Are you crazy? You're amazing. You keep waking up every morning, dealing with the shit storm of a mess your husband left you. I can see how broken you are. Still you go to that job you hate and take care of the house you hate. You don’t have to know what you’re doing or where you’re going to keep moving, and you keep moving. As far as being an overweight widow, WHO CARES? I see you. The real you. The heart of you. Why do you think I’m so tangled up inside? I want us to be something, but I’m afraid how broken you are. I don’t want to push you too hard too fast. Maybe wanting to be with you is selfish.”

I realize I’m crying as I start to see myself through his eyes. It takes me a few minutes to settle my breathing. Cade has moved closer to me and pulled me down to my knees on the blanket. He leans in and wipes the tears from my eyes. Holding my face in his hands, he leans his forehead down to mine and says, “Let's just take it one day at a time.”




This is an excerpt from the book, A Place to Stand which is currently on sale for only FREE! So, what are you waiting for?
Rhae Peters is happily married until her life comes crashing down when the worst thing imaginable happens -- Ryan is killed in an accident. Adding insult to injury, she learns that Ryan was keeping secrets. The revelation causes her to question everything about their marriage.
With her life in turmoil, Rhae wants to start over and forget everything about Ryan. She builds a coping mechanism out of her friends and family, including her neighbor Cade. Chivalrous and overwhelmingly handsome, Rhae feels the hand of propriety holding her back from pursuing more with him, despite all the clues that let her know he's willing. 


Our guest post is by the author of this book: Meg Farrell.  She's from North Mississippi, US. She's a busy wife and mother, but decided to follow her dream of writing a novel. She completed the first draft of A Place to Stand during NaNoWriMo 2013 fulfilling a lifelong dream of becoming a writer.Her husband, Jason, and her have 3 children, 2 old dogs, and 3 surly cats.

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