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Friday, May 1, 2015

Losing 2 things in the same day

Today, as I was furiously writing book 2 1/2, my husband came down to my dungeon to tell me that a friend of ours passed away.  He had neck surgery and complications came up.  It was a bit of a shock because we thought that he was out of the woods, and that there would be a long road to recovery, but that there would be a recovery.
He is someone that I really admired.  Lots of times people say really great things about someone after they pass, because how can you speak ill of the dead?  But I am sincere when I say that he was the kind of person who was always helping others.  I don't know why, it was just in his DNA.  He was constantly seen helping people in need.  I really respected him a lot.
He was also my son's scout leader.  When we broke the news to him, my son's eyes instantly teared up.  We let him know that it was okay to feel sad, or to cry.  After several minutes of trying to compose himself, he went outside where his friends were playing in the yard.  Maybe it was his way of trying to deal with his grief but I couldn't help but feel that I'd lost something else today, and that is that my son went to others to help with his pain.
He's 10 years old now and hasn't quite cut the parent-string but he's beginning to and it makes me feel a bit of loss.  He doesn't play with me as often as he used to or confide in me as much.
You never really know the feeling of watching your kids grow up until it happens, just like you never know the love for a child until you have one.  I'm sure there are lots of things that I haven't experienced and I know that there are lots of things that I don't want to experience, but the one thing I can assuredly say is that I'm so grateful to have the Life Experience of having children.
Kids are constantly messing up the house, talking back, testing your rules, and your patience.  When you have kids you become a different person, more stressed, more unorganized.  But in the long run those things don't matter.  When I see my kids toys in my room I can't help but think of the blessing to have a child in my life.  And that they feel an endearment to me, that they want to play in my room.
And sometimes it's really great when they start to become more independent.  You can shower alone (I never thought that I would see the day.  Okay, maybe I did.  I didn't imagine showering with teenagers) and even though I still don't manage to go to the bathroom without interruption all the time, it's still nice to have kids who can dress and feed themselves.
But I really want to know that my kids still want to count on me, when times are tough and also when they are great.  I hope that I will never really lose that communication.  It feels great when I'm listening to the millionth time about some mind numbing game (sorry folks, I could care less about Minecraft) but the fact that my son is so excited to tell me about it feels really amazing.
Sometimes we take advantage of the little things in our lives that are the most important.  Whether it be friendships, family, spouses, girl / boy friends or kids.  We just live with or see them so often, that it becomes so normal and natural to not appreciate them.  But, if you can honestly say that you would be heartbroken if that person were to suddenly disappear... then let's try to show them, if only for a moment, every single day how much we love and appreciate them.  Turn off our phones, or computers or tv.  Turn off their devices.  And just tell them we love them.
My name is Fleur.  and this is the 'One' man for me. I love you babe.

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